In another life, I was an event planner. I worked at a fabulous facility where I did countless weddings and other events. It was a big operation. The hours were nuts but the clients were always entertaining. Over time I will share some of my client’s wedding day stories. Some are sweet and magical and…some are just NUTS (I’ll of course change names to protect the innocent…or in this case the insane).
This facility had an onsite hotel…of sorts. It was built during my time there primarily because there weren’t any other hotels in the immediate area. Certain, er…, activities that took place at this hotel broke up at least ten marriages during my time…that I know of, some were employees. Scandalous! A few members of management napped in empty rooms on the clock. There were some hotel clients that arrived weekly with a different lady and paid only cash. This particular “playa” would layout the cash in hundred dollar bills but never tip the staff when they brought champagne up to the room. Even when he would specifically instruct the staff to come in and bring it to them IN THE BATH TUB! You know, typical sleaze bag behavior.
Then there were the people who spent their wedding nights there. Oh man…..we had weddings simultaneously and back to back. Most newlyweds wanted to stay because it was onsite and because it was included in their rental fees. Most brides got ready for their big day in these rooms. So, sometimes it would mean all hands on deck to clean the rooms so that the next bride could start to get ready. I mean, if these brides can’t start getting ready on time, all hell would break loose!
So mamas, I’ve seen some things. Some things I can never unsee. I’m not sure exactly what went on in those rooms, but things were weird…and disturbing. There was a situation when we couldn’t get one of my brides in the room on-time because we had to get a new mattress. And another time, same scenario but it was the desk and another time the actual bed frame….I don’t want to know…
I’m going to tell you the tale of the Smiths, the first ever couple to ever get married in this hotel patio. They came back a whole year later to celebrate their 1 year anniversary. I was their planner so I was super excited to see them! They were really sweet. How romantic! Awwww…. Well, they were staying in the largest room and only downstairs room. It had a double door entry and beautiful french doors that opened to the very area where they had their wedding.
Since this was such a busy establishment, there was to be four rehearsals and two weddings throughout they’re one night stay. Not so romantic now, right? Well here’s the line-up of what went down during their stay.
The Smiths checked-in at 4pm and went to their room. They didn’t have reservations at the onsite restaurant until 7:30pm, so they decided to enjoy some champagne in their room until then. At about 4:15pm a maid, (who didn’t know they had checked in) let herself in with the housekeeping key to replenish the towels. Word is the misses was stratteling her mister. Awkward…..
Meanwhile, I had two rehearsals right outside those french doors at 5pm and 6:15pm. My 5pm rehearsal group was straggling in. There were four flower girls and three ring bearers. They were all under the age of five and running around the patio area as kids do. No biggie, until one of them thought it would be super fun to jiggle the handle on that french door. You know, kids are persistent little buggers. That little boy jiggled with all his might until those doors popped open for all the see. Right there…on the bed…five feet away…the missus was on top with only the clothes that God gave her. She looked at us, we all (about fifteen of us including the under five set) looked at her. Each person had utter shock on their faces. You know who had to walk closer and close the door??? ME! The Smiths certainly weren’t getting up and my whole group was shocked and appalled.
So I walked over and said, “I’m so sorry. Happy anniversary!”. Then I apologized to the group and explained that it was their anny and this new couple, “That could be you next year!”. Those darn kids kept messing with the stupid doors the whole rest of the rehearsal. It was giving me heart palpitations.
I had about ten minutes in between rehearsals, so I ran over and explained the situation to the interim Food and Beverage Director. I said, “So the kids kept playing with the door and I told them not to and the door opened and they were….er…celebrating???”. He asked for further explanation, but I had to go because of the next rehearsal. I implored him to make sure those doors were locked from the inside because we had a morning wedding and after the made and my groups the poor Smiths had exposed themselves to enough people.
I went home and he went over to the hotel to lock the doors. He had assumed the Smiths were at the restaurant because it was 7:45. Well, dear readers, they weren’t. They were at it again. This time in the shower. The F&B Director let himself in (over 200 employees had access to the master keys…not cool) and was walking over to lock the french doors from the inside when he heard water running. He looked to the direction of the shower, thinking they must have left it on, and he saw them….celebrating…again….he said, “Sorry! I’m here to lock your door!” Continued to the door, locked it, and walked back and out. No, not making this up… This poor couple. They ordered take-out from a different restaurant that night.
The next morning I was in and out of the hotel from about 8am on. Setting up for the 11am ceremony and checking on my bride and all that fun stuff. There was no sign of the Smiths. But I know they had requested their breakfast be delivered to their room around 11am. So there I was, downstairs lining up Great Aunt Mildred and Great Uncle Abe for the family portion of the processional. They had been married 58 years. They were still in love and looking fantastic. Behind them were the brides grandparents followed by the grooms grandparents and the rest of the wedding party was behind them. They were in position about five feet from the Smiths door. I had opened the main doors of the hotel to the outside patio and Bach was breezing in from a beautiful live harpist and all eyes from the 200 guests were looking back at us in anticipation of the processional.
We were waiting for the right part in the song to send out the older family members. Right then one of our chefs had arrived with the Smiths breakfast. He looked at me and I gave the keep-silent-as-possible-or-else eyes. So he thought he would quietly knock and use his key to deliver the breakfast. Bad decision. He opened the door to find them … celebrating … again. Those double entry doors gave the entire processional an eyeful. Great Uncle Abe almost passed out, Great Aunt Mildred clutched her pearls and closed her eyes, I couldn’t even believe that this was happening a fourth time! This time Mr. Smith got up, naked, walked over to the chef, took the breakfast and shut the door. We missed our moment in the song… The wedding party got an eyeful of Mr. Smith. No one outside could see what was going on, but they knew something was happening…
Needless to say that room and the remainder of the Smiths entire bill was comped. They were offered a complimentary future stay and some comped spa treatments as well. They never came back. (To my knowledge…) Would you?